I am a proud wife and mom to two wonderful children who both have food allergies. I work outside of the home as well. I have created this blog to share my story and find support from others dealing with food allergic children.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Phases?
If there is a mourning phase to dealing with children with milk allergies? I think I am in that phase. I am usually a pretty upbeat person - but I am feeling very sad and discouraged about this.
I think I went through something similiar to that when my first child was officially diagnosed with allergies. But when they are sooo young they really don't understand what they are missing.
She's 5 now and hasn't been tested in a while. BUt she's totally ok with not having milk... she's scared of a reaction and we have found plenty of foods that she enjoys.
I know my mother-in-law still gets teary when she thinks that the kids could never have a bowl of ice cream (one of her fav foods) or a slice of pizza.... but they can have a bowl of Rice Dream or an Italian ice at Ritas and a soy cheese pizza or spaghetti(which they prefer, anyway)!
I know there are a ton of resources out there.. love your food allergy Blog List:) BUt if you ever want to drop a note.. please do:) fullovnrg (at) hotmail (dot) com :)
thanks for stopping by my blog. i totally understand what you are going through. there is definitely a grieving process. and to be honest, i go through it once every year...after we do testing and find out we still have the milk allergy. at first it's a shock to think of the things our kids will miss out on and how food allergies will alter the plans you always had in your mind for your family. definitely do your grieving, talk it out, and find support.
then think of some of these positive notes to help you feel better....
food allergies CAN be outgrown and often times are. if you haven't experience the breathing, anaphylactic symptoms, i have even higher hope for your little one...personally...i'm not a medical doctor though.
second, not eating like the rest of americans is NOT such a bad thing. we have become such a processed foods country. we really do need to get back to natural foods and i am so glad that food allergies have forced us to do that. otherwise, i know we'd be eating really crappy like i grew up doing.
third, if it is just milk...that is good news. so many allergy kids have to avoid multiple foods from egg to wheat to soy to milk to peanut. with each added allergy, it's more difficult. we really count our blessings that miles outgrew the egg and peanut...although brother has those now, sigh.
fourthly, this sounds so cliche but really...it could be a lot worse. as i read in the food allergy newsletter this month, food allergies ARE manageable. food allergies aside, our kids are active healthy normal kids. there are so many chronic diseases and really bad things out there. i try to count my blessings each day.
those are just a few things i can think of. i would definitely say that food allergies will alter your life. be prepared for that. try to make some things as normal as possible. in other things, make the sacrifices and keep a smile. for instance, 4 years into it, we are realizing how much our marriage is affected. date nights are like obsolete. we really need to make an effort to get good babysitters and try harder to have a normal married relationship. on the other hand, some decisions like which church to attend depends mostly on our food allergies and where are kids are most safe. that's a sacrifice. we aren't going where we just want to. same with schools. it all revolves around the allergies. so just try to find that balance....we are STILL working on it.
also know that years go by fast. once you get a routine down, it's a lifestyle and it's easy. in the beginning when we found out at 8 months old that miles was allergic, i thought him outgrowing at age 2 would take forever! now he's almost 4, still very allergic, but the time has gone fast and we know that we'll just plug away and test again next year.
i really hope these words help. please keep coming by the blog when you need to hear that many of us parents are going through the same stuff you are. you will get through it! :)
Thanks for the comment on my blog! I think the first comment hit the nail on the head. It's been 3 years now for me, and at first I wanted to cry for my son because he didn't get to eat all my favorite foods. I felt like I kid didn't really get to be a kid until he could eat like all the others- icecream, chocolate, etc. Just like she said though- pretty much for everything the other kids eat there is a substitute for kids with allergies. My kids favorite food when asked is still pizza just like all the other kids! He has pizza crust, sauce and cut up lunch meat, and he thinks it's just amazing! The key is to search in your grocery stores, (whole foods is the best if you have one around) and online for the best foods. The other thing that really brought me back to the ground was meeting other moms whose children have worse allergies. Can you imagine trying to feed a kid whose allergic to dairy, eggs, beef, and the list goes on? Those moms completely inspired me to know that if they can do it- so can I! Feel free to email me for any food ideas, brand substitutes, etc! nikk06@hotmail.com
There is a learning curve. Also one morns the idea of a child in perfect health, that you thought you had. But often being off milk or other allergen brings back the child in perfect health.
Your welcome to drop me a E-mail I also added you to my blog list.
Hey Jules, Thanks for commenting on my blog. I think there are many stages of grief you will work through in dealing with this. Is there a local group you can turn to? It really does help to meet other people in your own area who are dealing with this.
Is milk his only allergy? If it is he definately has a greater chance of outgrowing. Good luck! I'll keep checking your blog to see how you are doing.
Thanks for commenting on my blog. I'm so glad that you found me. There definitely is a mourning period. We mourn for the life or childhood that we thought our child would have. We also mourn for the family life that we pictured. We mourn for the pizza outings, the holiday dinners, the ice cream socials and the birthday parties that won't be what we thought they would. And it's OK to mourn and it's good to do it. Get it out and let it go. There is a good chance that your little one will outgrow this allergy. So please don't lose hope. And know that milk allergy is avoidable and something that you can easily substitute for. My son is allergic to wheat, rye, barley, oat, egg, peanut and tree nut. And until this past December he was also allergic to milk. But on Decemeber 5th (my birthday) he passed his milk challenge and is no longer allergic to dairy. I pray for the same for your little one. Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions or if you just need to vent!
Hi Jules, Thanks for commenting on my blog. I can relate to the mourning...I still go through it from time to time and like Jamie said - I have to remind myself that it could be worse.... I find promise and help from other moms like you and everyone else in the blogging world and food allergy websites. I know that I often feel like I am dealing with this on my own because none of my friends kids have any food allergies, but then I reach out to people who I consider friends online and I feel like I am not alone and that there really are other people out there that understand what we are going through. Keep in touch. If there is anytime that you need a 'shoulder' send me a message. Hugs. E
There is definately a mourning period. I took the most comfort in knowing that my allergic kiddo was diagnosed early, so she did not have to give up any familiar and loved foods. She does not miss them, as she has never had them. She was raised with alternative products that she loves, and staying focused on this helps me. She was diagnosed (oficially) at 6 months, and at 6 years we are still hoping she outgrows it someday. In the meantime, we as a family eat much healthier because of her, and that is a silver lining.
Seek out a local support group to help you through the rough patches, because there will be days when you stand in the kitchen and think "I just want to order pizza." It gets easier, really. And having support from people who are also living it helps so much!
Hey! I was just signed in as my daughter by mistake. Hopefully you got my long message, as I don't have time to retype it! ANYWAY, welcome to the world of allergy mom bloggers. It's going to be OK!
My site and blog might help - site is www.godairyfree.org. Blog is in the link (it is always dairy-free too of course!). If you need any "replacement" recipes for old favorites, just email me!
There is definitely a feeling of loss at first. And, for us, 9 years into a milk allergy, it comes back not only at our annual testing time, but at odd times throughout our lives & our son's life.
But, silver-lining-finder that I am, there is also good in this new lifestyle that we've found ourselves living. Good that we might never have found otherwise.
My son likes to point out articles, advertisements and TV commercials touting the benefits of soy in a person's diet. His milk allergy & the soy products that we use as substitutes when baking & cooking for the family, brings the benefits of soy to his mom, dad & sisters!
And, speaking of the baking & cooking with substitutes... Having to think about our meals, having to re-work them to make them safe for our son, has helped me rediscover the joy of cooking from scratch! Instead of relying on convenience foods, we've discovered the convenience, health & flavor of actually cooking & baking on our own!
One thing I want to add for you... As a family that's lived through 'Oh, kids grow out of milk allergies by the time they're one', then 'Don't worry, it's the most commonly outgrown allergy, he'll be fine by the time he's two', then 'Most kids outgrow milk allergies by the time they start school'... I found myself getting disappointed as each year passed, losing hope... Then, I found hope anew in a study that I stumbled across one day a few months ago - http://www.medpagetoday.com/AllergyImmunology/Allergy/7694
It turns out that 'most kids' these days don't outgrow a milk allergy until they are 12yo -and- even more, almost 80%, outgrow it by the time they're 16. Yes, that's disheartening to hear when your child is still so young -but- as the years pass, this info may help you to hold steady & keep on hoping.
Welcome to the world of reading labels, being friendly with restaurant staff, interrogating children's party hosts & really getting to know your child's teachers well. It's a different life from what you had planned, but it's not impossible. Keep it positive & real for your child - you'll do fine!
I think I went through something similiar to that when my first child was officially diagnosed with allergies. But when they are sooo young they really don't understand what they are missing.
ReplyDeleteShe's 5 now and hasn't been tested in a while. BUt she's totally ok with not having milk... she's scared of a reaction and we have found plenty of foods that she enjoys.
I know my mother-in-law still gets teary when she thinks that the kids could never have a bowl of ice cream (one of her fav foods) or a slice of pizza.... but they can have a bowl of Rice Dream or an Italian ice at Ritas and a soy cheese pizza or spaghetti(which they prefer, anyway)!
I know there are a ton of resources out there.. love your food allergy Blog List:) BUt if you ever want to drop a note.. please do:) fullovnrg (at) hotmail (dot) com :)
hi jules,
ReplyDeletethanks for stopping by my blog. i totally understand what you are going through. there is definitely a grieving process. and to be honest, i go through it once every year...after we do testing and find out we still have the milk allergy. at first it's a shock to think of the things our kids will miss out on and how food allergies will alter the plans you always had in your mind for your family. definitely do your grieving, talk it out, and find support.
then think of some of these positive notes to help you feel better....
food allergies CAN be outgrown and often times are. if you haven't experience the breathing, anaphylactic symptoms, i have even higher hope for your little one...personally...i'm not a medical doctor though.
second, not eating like the rest of americans is NOT such a bad thing. we have become such a processed foods country. we really do need to get back to natural foods and i am so glad that food allergies have forced us to do that. otherwise, i know we'd be eating really crappy like i grew up doing.
third, if it is just milk...that is good news. so many allergy kids have to avoid multiple foods from egg to wheat to soy to milk to peanut. with each added allergy, it's more difficult. we really count our blessings that miles outgrew the egg and peanut...although brother has those now, sigh.
fourthly, this sounds so cliche but really...it could be a lot worse. as i read in the food allergy newsletter this month, food allergies ARE manageable. food allergies aside, our kids are active healthy normal kids. there are so many chronic diseases and really bad things out there. i try to count my blessings each day.
those are just a few things i can think of. i would definitely say that food allergies will alter your life. be prepared for that. try to make some things as normal as possible. in other things, make the sacrifices and keep a smile. for instance, 4 years into it, we are realizing how much our marriage is affected. date nights are like obsolete. we really need to make an effort to get good babysitters and try harder to have a normal married relationship. on the other hand, some decisions like which church to attend depends mostly on our food allergies and where are kids are most safe. that's a sacrifice. we aren't going where we just want to. same with schools. it all revolves around the allergies. so just try to find that balance....we are STILL working on it.
also know that years go by fast. once you get a routine down, it's a lifestyle and it's easy. in the beginning when we found out at 8 months old that miles was allergic, i thought him outgrowing at age 2 would take forever! now he's almost 4, still very allergic, but the time has gone fast and we know that we'll just plug away and test again next year.
i really hope these words help. please keep coming by the blog when you need to hear that many of us parents are going through the same stuff you are. you will get through it! :)
Thanks for the comment on my blog! I think the first comment hit the nail on the head. It's been 3 years now for me, and at first I wanted to cry for my son because he didn't get to eat all my favorite foods. I felt like I kid didn't really get to be a kid until he could eat like all the others- icecream, chocolate, etc. Just like she said though- pretty much for everything the other kids eat there is a substitute for kids with allergies. My kids favorite food when asked is still pizza just like all the other kids! He has pizza crust, sauce and cut up lunch meat, and he thinks it's just amazing! The key is to search in your grocery stores, (whole foods is the best if you have one around) and online for the best foods. The other thing that really brought me back to the ground was meeting other moms whose children have worse allergies. Can you imagine trying to feed a kid whose allergic to dairy, eggs, beef, and the list goes on? Those moms completely inspired me to know that if they can do it- so can I! Feel free to email me for any food ideas, brand substitutes, etc! nikk06@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteThere is a learning curve. Also one morns the idea of a child in perfect health, that you thought you had. But often being off milk or other allergen brings back the child in perfect health.
ReplyDeleteYour welcome to drop me a E-mail I also added you to my blog list.
Hey Jules, Thanks for commenting on my blog. I think there are many stages of grief you will work through in dealing with this. Is there a local group you can turn to? It really does help to meet other people in your own area who are dealing with this.
ReplyDeleteIs milk his only allergy? If it is he definately has a greater chance of outgrowing. Good luck! I'll keep checking your blog to see how you are doing.
FYI I LOVE Oregon. Wish I lived there.
Thanks for commenting on my blog. I'm so glad that you found me.
ReplyDeleteThere definitely is a mourning period. We mourn for the life or childhood that we thought our child would have. We also mourn for the family life that we pictured. We mourn for the pizza outings, the holiday dinners, the ice cream socials and the birthday parties that won't be what we thought they would. And it's OK to mourn and it's good to do it. Get it out and let it go.
There is a good chance that your little one will outgrow this allergy. So please don't lose hope. And know that milk allergy is avoidable and something that you can easily substitute for.
My son is allergic to wheat, rye, barley, oat, egg, peanut and tree nut. And until this past December he was also allergic to milk. But on Decemeber 5th (my birthday) he passed his milk challenge and is no longer allergic to dairy. I pray for the same for your little one. Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions or if you just need to vent!
Hi Jules,
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting on my blog. I can relate to the mourning...I still go through it from time to time and like Jamie said - I have to remind myself that it could be worse.... I find promise and help from other moms like you and everyone else in the blogging world and food allergy websites. I know that I often feel like I am dealing with this on my own because none of my friends kids have any food allergies, but then I reach out to people who I consider friends online and I feel like I am not alone and that there really are other people out there that understand what we are going through.
Keep in touch. If there is anytime that you need a 'shoulder' send me a message.
Hugs. E
There is definately a mourning period. I took the most comfort in knowing that my allergic kiddo was diagnosed early, so she did not have to give up any familiar and loved foods. She does not miss them, as she has never had them. She was raised with alternative products that she loves, and staying focused on this helps me. She was diagnosed (oficially) at 6 months, and at 6 years we are still hoping she outgrows it someday. In the meantime, we as a family eat much healthier because of her, and that is a silver lining.
ReplyDeleteSeek out a local support group to help you through the rough patches, because there will be days when you stand in the kitchen and think "I just want to order pizza." It gets easier, really. And having support from people who are also living it helps so much!
Hang in there! You can do this.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey! I was just signed in as my daughter by mistake. Hopefully you got my long message, as I don't have time to retype it! ANYWAY, welcome to the world of allergy mom bloggers. It's going to be OK!
ReplyDeleteIt gets much, much easier :)
ReplyDeleteMy site and blog might help - site is www.godairyfree.org. Blog is in the link (it is always dairy-free too of course!). If you need any "replacement" recipes for old favorites, just email me!
There is definitely a feeling of loss at first. And, for us, 9 years into a milk allergy, it comes back not only at our annual testing time, but at odd times throughout our lives & our son's life.
ReplyDeleteBut, silver-lining-finder that I am, there is also good in this new lifestyle that we've found ourselves living. Good that we might never have found otherwise.
My son likes to point out articles, advertisements and TV commercials touting the benefits of soy in a person's diet. His milk allergy & the soy products that we use as substitutes when baking & cooking for the family, brings the benefits of soy to his mom, dad & sisters!
And, speaking of the baking & cooking with substitutes... Having to think about our meals, having to re-work them to make them safe for our son, has helped me rediscover the joy of cooking from scratch! Instead of relying on convenience foods, we've discovered the convenience, health & flavor of actually cooking & baking on our own!
One thing I want to add for you... As a family that's lived through 'Oh, kids grow out of milk allergies by the time they're one', then 'Don't worry, it's the most commonly outgrown allergy, he'll be fine by the time he's two', then 'Most kids outgrow milk allergies by the time they start school'... I found myself getting disappointed as each year passed, losing hope... Then, I found hope anew in a study that I stumbled across one day a few months ago - http://www.medpagetoday.com/AllergyImmunology/Allergy/7694
It turns out that 'most kids' these days don't outgrow a milk allergy until they are 12yo -and- even more, almost 80%, outgrow it by the time they're 16. Yes, that's disheartening to hear when your child is still so young -but- as the years pass, this info may help you to hold steady & keep on hoping.
Welcome to the world of reading labels, being friendly with restaurant staff, interrogating children's party hosts & really getting to know your child's teachers well. It's a different life from what you had planned, but it's not impossible. Keep it positive & real for your child - you'll do fine!
Hey - just wondering how you are doing?
ReplyDelete